My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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