Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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