John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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