what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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