That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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