Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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