I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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