The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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