Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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