you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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