But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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