The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
