You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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