We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
