Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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