Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
