I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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