have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
