4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
