Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm too high and old for this...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
