I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
