i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
