he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He passed out mid-signature
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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