All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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