I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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