Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I smell like Dick and happiness
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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