he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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