This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize