butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
