There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
