Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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