I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
