My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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