id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So vagazzling was a success
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
