am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
