Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
