I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
