Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
