Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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