the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
