you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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