Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
