vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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