Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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