I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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