Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
