Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
