My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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