I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
