Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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