i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
