Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
