i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
