I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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