I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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