If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
