I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
