So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
